tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79311735096500622242024-02-06T22:53:05.006-05:00A Smattering of ThoughtsJessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-55477162377644232942014-07-06T16:22:00.000-04:002014-07-06T16:22:03.401-04:00Journeying to HealthIt's amazing to think what can happen in just one year . . .<br />
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From July 6, 2013 to July 6, 2014, I've lost approximately 45 pounds, and have gone from a size 20 (straddling a 22) to a size 14. And I've learned so much about myself and other people during the journey, and it's amazing to see what can happen when someone simply makes the decision to change their life.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">May 2013</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">May 2014</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">May 2013</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">May 2014</td></tr>
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My decision came around last June. I was feeling bloated and had gained some extra pounds that month before. I knew that God called me to more when it came to my physical health.</div>
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In March, I had spoken to some friends/family who went on The Virgin Diet. They looked amazing and talked about how they felt even better. I decided to start it after Independence Day.</div>
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Virgin Diet basics:</div>
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Cycle 1 - For 21 days, remove foods associated with inflammation and food intolerances in these categories: dairy, gluten/wheat, eggs, soy, peanuts, sugar/added sweeteners, and corn. During this time, you substitute up to two meals with a protein shake.</div>
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Cycle 2 - There is a four-week reintroduction period in which eggs, dairy, soy, and wheat are reintroduced one-by-one for four days, and then those foods are taken out to see if there is an intolerance to them.</div>
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Cycle 3 - This is the way you eat afterwards - mostly keeping corn, sugar, and peanuts out of your diet. Also, if you had an inflammatory response to eggs, dairy, soy, or wheat/gluten during the reintroduction, you keep those out as well.</div>
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During the reintroduction, I found that eggs were responsible for the bad dreams that I was having. Each day I reintroduced them was followed by a nightmare. (Thankfully, my body has done a lot of healing and I can eat them now with no problems.) I found that gluten/wheat makes me feel bloated and hurts my knee. It's mostly out of my diet at this point, but when I decide to indulge, without fail, I will be walking with a limp later that day. Dairy made me a little phlegmy, and soy, well...I can't think of one reason that anybody needs soy.</div>
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During the first 21 days of The Virgin Diet, I lost 18 lbs, and felt so much better about my life. The book goes into a lot of detail about why your body doesn't need certain things and can be found <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Virgin-Diet-JJ-ebook/dp/B0092MPU7U/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1404669467&sr=8-1&keywords=the+virgin+diet" target="_blank">here</a> on Amazon.</div>
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Thanks, JJ! You jump-started my journey to health.</div>
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There are things I've learned on the road to health. Some of them are below.</div>
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* Calorie counting doesn't work. Apparently it only works long term for approximately 5% of the population total. Calories matter, but the source of them is more important than the quantity of them. Jonathan Bailor just wrote a book called <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Calorie-Myth-Exercise-Weight-Better-ebook/dp/B00DB3A27E/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1404670593&sr=8-1&keywords=the+calorie+myth" target="_blank">The Calorie Myth</a>. He also has a podcast called <a href="http://thesmarterscienceofslim.com/podcast-2/" target="_blank">The Smarter Science of Slim</a>. You'll learn a lot from him and he is EXCITED to teach.</div>
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* Wheat/gluten is associated with so much disease, it's not really worth it for me to have it in my diet. There's a book by William Davis called <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Wheat-Belly-Lose-Weight-Health-ebook/dp/B00571F26Y/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1404670846&sr=8-1&keywords=wheat+belly" target="_blank">Wheat Belly</a> that discusses the matter further. But all I need is my knee hurting post-gluten/wheat encounter to know that I don't need it. Zoodles trump wheat noodles and I don't mind the post-meal brain fog. That was BRUTAL. I don't think most people need it because of its health consequences. #butthatsnoneofmybusiness</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our Combat-a-Thon in April</td></tr>
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* Group exercise is a great motivator. When you're not in class, people will miss you. They will care how you're doing, and they will call you out when you don't come. This isn't as scary as it sounds. It's great to go to a class where people care and want to see your best. I personally love BodyCombat. It helps me get a lot of aggression out.</div>
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* Taste buds regenerate approximately every two weeks. People think the things I eat or drink are weird, but I've developed a taste for them, so they're delicious to me. And my health is important enough for me to let them change.</div>
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* I don't need to call myself Paleo or Gluten free, or Low carb, or any of those things. I don't need to explain myself to anybody or put myself in a group. I am who I am. I eat certain things and I choose not to eat others because I feel better when I don't. Boom, bam! <a href="http://undergroundwellness.com/" target="_blank">Sean Croxton</a> has a motto called JERF. Just Eat Real Food. It's so simple, it might just work.</div>
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* My body is capable of much more than I think it is. It's an amazing thing what we are capable of!<br />
* There are a lot of food myths that have been perpetuated by the government. It's actually pretty sad. I'm no conspiracy theorist (or am I?), but learning about the history of food development through the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Eat-Yolks-Discover-reclaim-health-ebook/dp/B00IMJYWW8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1404674378&sr=8-1&keywords=eat+the+yolks" target="_blank">Eat the Yolks</a> was pretty impactful. Ignorance isn't bliss. Liz has a podcast with Diane Sanfillipo called <a href="http://balancedbites.com/podcast" target="_blank">Balanced Bites</a>.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEI-3OxEoeshf_m4XdlgmgL0l_DS2H8pcguadEhHXp_Yf1rbfZs58K3rMXsRMmHMdv05NL6WwOqbFe943ss5fujH-DZq1QWKSHP7dgzM955Z-1PhujeSHsLTGFOU3VffmOasPN_qbX8rdr/s1600/30540103693893811_LMiR8yaW_b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEI-3OxEoeshf_m4XdlgmgL0l_DS2H8pcguadEhHXp_Yf1rbfZs58K3rMXsRMmHMdv05NL6WwOqbFe943ss5fujH-DZq1QWKSHP7dgzM955Z-1PhujeSHsLTGFOU3VffmOasPN_qbX8rdr/s1600/30540103693893811_LMiR8yaW_b.jpg" /></a>* It's impossible to know what your body is going to look like when you're losing weight. But it's been helpful for me to have a game plan. For me, every two sizes I drop, I buy new pants. Otherwise, fat loss would get really expensive! Thrift and consignment stores are super crucial at this stage as well. That way you don't feel so bad when you're buying a lot of new clothes or are between sizes and want something new.<br />
* Weight loss isn't calories, it's hormones. Insulin, leptin, cortisol, estrogen, testosterone, etc. <a href="https://www.facebook.com/DrGottfried" target="_blank">Sara Gottfried</a> is a Harvard trained doctor who is an expert in these things. She wrote <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Hormone-Cure-Vitality-Naturally-Gottfried-ebook/dp/B008J48S94/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1404675978&sr=8-1&keywords=the+hormone+cure" target="_blank">The Hormone Cure</a>, and has a <a href="http://healthbridgeshow.com/" target="_blank">podcast </a>that is good stuff.<br />
* It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change. And it changes the way I live in so many ways. When people talk about things like they're temporary, it can bother me. Why would I want to gain all my weight back? That's madness! It's also totally inappropriate to tell people to stop losing weight because they'll 'lose their curves'. It shows people that you don't care about their health and only care about them losing your perception of beauty. Not cool.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEXefhXm9Gvgti1-3Sb-YgjHIDartBYi-pePOP_wT95pR7iYfRkesyy60GKGGsJWkIzoK8ciu4tW1f4frOKnzIaqsaqmby-KRTNxYNkmZKkKgruCrchykT9sF7cwOcL36dNoW0wfdq7Bw/s1600/IMG_0098.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEXefhXm9Gvgti1-3Sb-YgjHIDartBYi-pePOP_wT95pR7iYfRkesyy60GKGGsJWkIzoK8ciu4tW1f4frOKnzIaqsaqmby-KRTNxYNkmZKkKgruCrchykT9sF7cwOcL36dNoW0wfdq7Bw/s1600/IMG_0098.JPG" height="150" width="200" /></a><br />
I've been inspired by the past year, as well.<br />
* Joe DeSena's work with Spartan Up has inspired me to do something to push my body and see where it can take me. I first heard of him on a Robb Wolf <a href="http://robbwolf.com/2014/04/29/episode-221-joe-de-sena/" target="_blank">podcast</a>. Because of this, I convinced Stephanie to sign up <br />
for a <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/1432798860332182/" target="_blank">Mud Run</a> with me. Thankfully, she wasn't very hard to convince! I don't run, and I'm only slightly outdoorsy, but we're going to do it! I'm pretty excited.<br />
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We'll see what else will come, but a year can make a difference. Never discount any step in the direction to health, even if it's a baby step!</div>
Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-88344525775360962902014-02-14T16:11:00.000-05:002014-02-14T16:11:16.703-05:00It Sneaked Up On Me . . .It was unexpected.<br />
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Last night, I was catching up with my friend who is moving away to do amazing ministry work overseas and he, knowing that I just moved into a little house, asked me how it was. "Oh, Freddo, I love it! It's great! But," I responded, "it would be better if . . ." My voice trailed off and I paused. "No. Actually, I'm pretty happy with it as is!" We both laughed and the conversation continued.<br />
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And I realized that contentment had snuck up on me. It wasn't something I had fought or even looked for. It was just there.<br />
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There are plenty of serious or petty things I could have filled in that blank.<br />
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Wishes:<br />
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<li>I had a husband to snuggle me every night.</li>
<li>I had a roommate to cook for me sometimes.</li>
<li>Someone volunteered to clean my house at LEAST once a week.</li>
<li>I had more friends to invite over all the time.</li>
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Hurts and Fears:</div>
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<li>My latest relationship that just ended because he gave up and that still makes me sad.</li>
<li>It's difficult to find community; I wonder if the people who are part of mine really find value in me.</li>
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It wouldn't be difficult to think of more. In that moment, it didn't matter. I lost all of my excuses to be unhappy or bitter, and I was okay.</div>
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Today, I am grateful for the small moments that make me realize that life, while crazy and unexpected, is chock-full of grace and mercy.</div>
Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-38739214942418213262013-12-26T22:23:00.003-05:002013-12-27T19:00:47.916-05:00A Confession<div>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I haven't written here in a long time, and when I have, it usually hasn't been about my struggles being single. Mostly because that was a bitterness held in my heart and something few needed to know. But here, now, I have a confession to make...</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Marriage has been an idol for me.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The worst part about that? I didn't even realize it fully until Good Friday, 2013. Let me take that back; before Good Friday I knew that it <i>used</i> to be. God did a lot of restructuring in my heart a few years ago that put me in a better place to receive love. I used to believe that if I didn't do everything perfectly, that nobody would want me around. I didn't even really like myself. In fact, it looked more like hatred. I thought I needed someone to love me and tell me that I was okay. My mind had set up a prison and I was my own prison guard. It was inconceivable that anyone could truly love me...</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Thankful that God does break chains, through a series of events, He showed me how much I needed something to change. I was 24 and lived my life with fists clenched tightly. Things wouldn't go well if I wasn't in control, my pride whispered and shouted, so I took the weight of the world on my shoulders. And then everything started to go wrong. I was in graduate school full time. Things at work started to get crazy. There were cancer diagnoses and sickness and death. So much death. All things out of my control. Life started to swirl, and then I spiraled. I cried. I panicked. I cried some more. I was anxious. And then I realized that I couldn't do everything on my own...when I was contemplating taking my life, I knew it was time.</span><br />
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So I packed my pride up and went to counseling. (As a counselor, I acknowledge how awkward it can be to go in and tell somebody your problems.) My counselor wasn't specifically a Christian, I don't believe. He talked about God in a vague way, but His influence in my life couldn't be ignored. I was broken and built up in that small room. We laughed a lot and cried a lot. Sometimes just me and sometimes together. And God used that to break down my Superwoman complex. God used that time to speak truth in love through my counselor. And the work even between visits was amazing.<br />
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In those four months, the things I believed about God and others changed. I walked away from counseling with a confidence in myself that was true, because it came from an understanding of who God said I am. And those things are unchanging because of God's unchanging love and grace. I never have to doubt my beauty or that I am wonderfully made anymore. Praise be to God!<br />
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But what does all of that have to do with marriage being an idol? Hmm, I digress (my family is good at that)...<br />
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Because on Good Friday, 2013, I was praying in church and God said something like this: you see marriage as an idol. You think it will save you. But I already did that.<br />
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As tears started streaming down my face, I was confused. I knew that I had made marriage an idol for years, and I'm grateful for married people who were straight with me about the joys and struggles, or I'd probably think it would fix me still.<br />
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Those thoughts always came in a very subtle way.<br />
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Because even though I believed the good things that God said about me, I also believed something much less apparent to me.<br />
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I believed that eventually a man was going to come along to validate my worth. To validate means to prove the accuracy of something.<br />
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Think about that.<br />
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Who could PROVE the accuracy of what God says to be true?<br />
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God is truth and His word is true.<br />
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Another lesson I've been learning is how wonderful it is to have my value as a woman being affirmed. To affirm means to uphold as true or to support.<br />
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God confirmed the importance of knowing the difference between the two. Do you recognize the difference? It makes all the difference in the world. Your value is God-given. No father, mother, sister, brother, boyfriend, friend, or anyone can GIVE you worth...those people can only help you discover the truth.<br />
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It wasn't until I understood this truth that I was able to make healthier choices for myself - letting go of a man I had strong feelings for when he verbalized that he just wasn't that into me...deciding that a person who called themselves my "friend", but possessed no loyalty to me no longer deserved the ability to speak into my life...and learning to stand in what I knew to be true contrary to my circumstances. These aren't just one time decisions, unfortunately, and there is a constant flow of tears, sweat, and need for snuggles when I have to decide again to believe God.<br />
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Choosing to say goodbye to people whose actions and words tell me a story contradictory to the words God has sang over me in His goodness is not for the weak. It's for those who are made strong by His strength and put on His strength like a winter coat in five degree weather.<br />
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It's the reason Jesus didn't have to give in when He was tempted by Satan in the wilderness. He knew what was true about Him because He was familiar with the source of His identity - The Lord. Jesus had nothing to prove when Satan asked him to save Himself from the temptations set before Him.<br />
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And we don't have anything to prove either. Nothing. Ever. We don't have to prove that we are smart enough, beautiful enough, love able, weigh the right amount, or anything. You and I are uniquely made in the image of God - handcrafted with a deep beauty - graven on the palms of God - dearly loved - strong in our weaknesses - here for a purpose . . .<br />
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One of the greatest honors that you have on this earth is to reflect the glory of God in the short amount of days that you will be here. If you're anything like me, you will go through a process to truly understand that the people and things in your life that don't scream to the world, "You have many wonderful works left in this world to do. And I can't wait to see how God uses you," or "I am grateful that God has put you in my life because I would not be who I am without you," don't need a place of prominence in your life. If they don't agree with God...<br />
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You can love them. Pray for them. Point them to Jesus. But you can't look to them for your value. And don't believe the way (through words or deeds) they attempt to devalue who you are.<br />
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The beginning of the lesson came at the beginning of the year, but God used the last half of the year to teach me understanding. I can walk in love, victory, and peace because I know the character of God, which was, and is, and will always be. If I got a husband tomorrow, it wouldn't make me any more valuable than I am right now. My worth would not be more priceless, nor my life more precious.<br />
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God is good at removing idols from our lives and hearts, but when He gives us the chance to destroy it before He grabs onto it, it's wise to take it.<br />
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Your idol might not be marriage or the man on a white horse in shining armor coming to rescue you, but whatever is there can (and should) be put in its proper place by a right picture of who God is and what He says about you.<br />
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No person or circumstances can steal your identity in Him.</div>
Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-24124582603037772082011-12-25T23:20:00.003-05:002011-12-25T23:27:06.166-05:00Merry ChristmasAs I was in church today, I just needed to get my thoughts out and here's what came out. I really do pray that everybody had a wonderful Christmas Day! I am grateful for Jesus coming and for the hope we have in Him. Merry, merry Christmas!!<div><br /></div><div><i>"Love.</i></div><div><i>Red.</i></div><div><i>Heart.</i></div><div><i>Blood red.</i></div><div><i>Pierced heart.</i></div><div><i>Blood stained wood.</i></div><div><i>Blood.</i></div><div><i>Running down His brow.</i></div><div><i>Brokenness.</i></div><div><i>Made complete.</i></div><div><i>His sacrifice.</i></div><div><i>Perfection.</i></div><div><i>Finished.</i></div><div><i>New righteousness.</i></div><div><i>Washing.</i></div><div><i>Blood red.</i></div><div><i>Cleansing red stains turned white.</i></div><div><i>Pure.</i></div><div><i>Cleansed.</i></div><div><i>Red.</i></div><div><i>Heart.</i></div><div><i>Made alive.</i></div><div><i>True love.</i></div><div><i>Complete.</i></div><div><i>Shalom.</i></div><div><i>Wholeness.</i></div><div><i>Blood.</i></div><div><i>Red.</i></div><div><i>Love.</i></div><div><i>No fear.</i></div><div><i>Complete love."</i></div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-44982794854239897982011-07-15T15:08:00.005-04:002011-07-15T18:31:38.769-04:00For All My Ladies!!! (If you're man, just walk away . . .)Most people who know me probably know that while I'm not the most girly person you will ever meet, I love women and being a woman. They also know that I like to talk about womanly things - not just shoe shopping and weddings - our cycles, hormones, moodiness, femininity, how our daddy issues are affecting our current relationships. It probably gets old to some people, but I think we find freedom in talking about things that have affected our lives.<div><br /></div><div>Today I want to focus on one that most people probably aren't running around talking about - our cycle. Before you facepalm, hear me out! I'll try not to get too graphic while sharing about two things that have changed my life!</div><div><br /></div><div>The first is a book. One I think every woman should read. It's called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility." It's not just a book for those crazy people who are all granola and hippie. It's a book to help you understand what's going on in your body. And as women, there's a lot of changes that happen over a given month. Do you know what's happening in your body? The book gives you a very direct picture of what happens. Like every book, it has its own agenda, but it's good to read it and make your own decisions. I started reading it because my cycle would last three or four months at at time. I realized that I could chart my cycle and figure out what was going wrong.</div><div><br /></div><div>It led me to start charting. This means I take my temperature every day to see where I am in my cycle. I use <a href="http://www.myfertilitycharts.com">My Fertility Charts</a> to keep track of my symptoms, which means I typically know exactly where I am and what's happening next. And what they say is true: knowledge is power. While I used to be pulled to and fro by my emotions and my hormones, understanding where I'm at has changed my entire perspective.</div><div><br /></div><div>Another benefit: I've never wanted to go on birth control. I just have never been comfortable with what I know of the different forms of it; and I'd rather not have hormones control my hormones if I don't need to. Knowing where I am in my cycle really will negate the need for that when I am married. And that makes me very happy. Plus, I don't want to go on the pill just because that's what people do. I'm not knocking other people's choice to take the pill, but I believe that knowledge is power. In today's world, it is wise to know all your options so you can make the right decisions for YOU!</div><div><br /></div><div>Learning what is going on in your body is something that you will never regret!</div><div><br /></div><div>The second is called the "<a href="http://www.divacup.com">Diva Cup</a>." Not a book, but something equally life changing. It's a menstrual cup. It's very different than the pads and tampons that we're used to as women. And to be honest, it's so much better. It's a little silicone cup that you insert and it rests at the base of your vagina. Your flow collects in the cup, which at the end of 12 hours you dump out, rinse out, and put back in. I haven't had any problems with it leaking which makes me feel like a real person. I work out, go swimming, sit down or walk around. I doo whatever I want! I used to feel gross and like not doing anything when I was on my period before. And now I feel the freedom to be me.</div><div><br /></div><div>Before you get too grossed out, here are some benefits:</div><div>* No leakage, which leaves you feeling clean your entire cycle</div><div>* No headaches, stomach aches, and all the other stuff that wearing tampons tends to produce</div><div>* Less waste - not having to worry about where to throw away your stuff if you can't flush thick paper waste or find a trash can (not to mention no worries about putting bleached cotton in your body)</div><div>* You just put it in and forget about it, you'll learn when it's time to reload</div><div>* Less money spent on products</div><div>* There's a community of people who are there to support you and give you tips when you have questions</div><div><br /></div><div>Just go to the website and check it out. Read what other people have to say about it. Watch videos about it. It might sound weird, but don't just blow it off! It has changed my life.</div><div><br /></div><div>I hope you take some time and check these things out! And feel free to ask me any questions about either thing. :-) I love talking about these things - just ask my small group from church. :-D I have much love for you and hope these things will help you walk in more freedom!</div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-20724025095123915272011-01-15T09:40:00.003-05:002011-01-15T09:55:32.452-05:00Scripture Memory Verse 2I have decided to memorize scripture with a lot of other ladies around the world through the Living Proof Ministry <a href="http://blog.lproof.org/2011/01/2011-siesta-scripture-memory-team-verse-2.html">blog</a>. This week, I picked Psalm 84 in the NIV. It's longer than she usually recommends, but I felt really led to memorize this chapter. I might decide to memorize a short verse and a Psalm off and on throughout the year. Not sure yet.<div><br /></div><div>If you were at or listened to the message Beth Moore spoke at the Passion 2011 conference, you might remember her talking about the capacity of the mind and encouraging young people to memorize chapters, if not entire books, of the Bible. I can do this!</div><div><br /></div><div>#1 "You shall not make [gods to share] with Me [My glory and your worship]; gods of silver or gods of gold you shall not make for yourselves." - Exodus 20:23, AMP</div><div><br /></div><div>#2 "1 How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty. 2 My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. 3 Even the sparrow has found a home and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young - a place near your alter, Oh Lord Almighty, my King and my God. 4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you. (Selah) 5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage. 6 As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains cover it with pools. (Selah) 7 They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion." - Psalm 84:1-7, NIV</div><div><br /></div><div>That's what I have memorized so far! I hope it's all right. hehe. It's not too late to join in! Memorizing the Bible isn't something that only the "super spiritual" do. The Word is powerful and transforming. I shall get off my soapbox, for I need to get out of here. I hope everyone is doing well!</div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-84564283235621538052011-01-06T19:51:00.002-05:002011-01-06T20:21:11.610-05:00You Know You Should Give Something Up When . . .I decided a few days ago that starting Friday, I'd be on a partial media fast. I'll probably have to use computers and email at work in the next two weeks, so that's why it's partial. But during that time, no wasting my time on Twitter, Facebook, watching TV or movies. I'll Tivo it and if I really find it important later, I'll deal with it then.<div><br /></div><div>My first Scripture to memorize this year was Exodus 20:23, "You shall not make [gods to share] with Me [My glory and your worship]; gods of silver or gods of gold you shall not make for yourselves." (That's the Amplified version if you'd like to look it up.) That's the whole, "don't make idols to contend with me because I'm the man" verse.</div><div><br /></div><div>They say you can tell something is an idol when it gets taken away from you. And, even today all I thought about in my extra moments was, "I need to be on Twitter because I'm not gonna have it for two weeks." Well, that's how you know that you have a problem. The thing is, I don't want Facebook or Twitter to be an idol that someone has made for me, or one that I have built out of people I enjoy hearing from. It can't become more important than God Himself. . .</div><div><br /></div><div>Those aren't bad things, but they have been too much lately. And this is a time of so much newness for me, that I don't need to be distracted by anything. Not even good things.</div><div><br /></div><div>So, with that, I'll see you soon. Much love!</div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-92135368617707751882011-01-02T23:04:00.005-05:002011-01-02T23:25:26.132-05:00Does Your Life Make Sense in Light of the Gospel?I have been watching the Passion Conference online because I can't make it out there for it. Every sermon has been convicting or confirming...whichever I needed at the time. But only one question has gone right down into the soul of the matter. My soul. It's a question based on Philippians 1:27 that I hate that Francis Chan decided to ask: Does your life make sense in light of the Gospel?<div><br /></div><div>Maybe it was the stories he told about people in the underground church who had to run from gunshots because they were Christ followers. Or the fact that when he told them of how people in America will switch churches because they don't like the songs, they laughed. No, he wasn't joking, but what a mockery we've made of ourselves. So, maybe you can see how that question was so significant...maybe not.<br /><div><br /></div><div>But for me . . .</div><div><br /></div><div>It might be the most significant question that I've ever been asked. It's frustrating and convicting and everything it should be.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's session three. Check it out at live.passion2011.com. It's only up for about 24 hours. Get it while it lasts!</div></div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-91407722021890028572011-01-01T11:05:00.004-05:002011-01-01T11:24:23.002-05:00Happy New Year!<span class="Apple-style-span" >Well, a new year brings new goals, new resolutions and attempts (though usually failed) at life changes. I usually do goals instead of resolutions because I'm pretty goal oriented. Usually I choose too many and only do one or two (out of the 7 I might try). This year, I'm not doing all that. Mostly because I have come to recognize how futile my personal attempts at changing myself are. That's God's job.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >There are a few things that I am doing though.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >The ladies over at Living Proof Ministries <a href="http://bit.ly/feMxVM">memorizes 24 verses in a year</a>. That's two a month. That's very doable and there's added accountability because like, tons of women are doing it (and I follow some of them on Twitter). The best part is that everybody chooses their own verse to memorize. Whatever God is speaking in our own individual lives, that's what we memorize. I'm looking forward to this! My first verse is Exodus 20:23 in the Amplified Bible: <i>You shall not make [gods to share] with Me [My glory and your worship]; gods of silver or gods of gold you shall not make for yourselves.</i></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >I am interested in home improvement. Anyone who knows me would probably be confused by this statement, but I'm really interested in refinishing a piece of furniture I have. It might not happen on my own, but I have decided to sign up for Home Depot's <a href="http://bit.ly/hm0T6l">Home Improver Club</a> workshops. I don't have school anymore so I have a little extra free time. i think that learning how to do practical things in the home will be time well spent. I am really excited about this. :-)</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >I need to do something cultural, though. Last year, I saw at least one show a month (and in October I saw a few plays and a few concerts). Maybe the theme of this year will be museums? Well, I'll think through that later. :-)</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >I hope that everybody had a fantastic time bringing in the New Year!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Happy New Year, y'all!</span></div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-87296898669372588782010-12-29T20:33:00.003-05:002010-12-29T21:12:08.703-05:00One is the Loneliest NumberOne. Lonely. Uno. Solo. Solitary. Sad. Alone. Unlovable.<div><br /></div><div>Most of the time, I'm content in my singleness. I can be content because I know that God has somebody for me that will love me like Christ loves the church; someone who I will respect and who I can build a live with. Yeah, there's a promise and I can trust in God for it. But there's one specific time when I can't help but hate being single with everything inside of me.</div><div><br /></div><div>And that's when I'm moving. I never feel lonelier than that. There's not necessarily someone there to help me pack or carry heavy stuff. It's just me when deciding what to take over first; I'm left to my own devices to figure out how in the world to put together the furniture I've just bought. My mom would probably tell you that I've always been the independent type, that's true. But doing this alone is difficult. I'm not saying that it's hard because I need somebody to carry heavy things for me. I can do it myself. There's just something about having someone to complain to, to be frustrated with...someone who is going through the same thing. Or at least the idea of it sounds wonderful...</div><div><br /></div><div>And then I remember the power of One. Christ. It only took one man to come and reconcile us to God. I remember embarking on the journey that brought me to Orlando two and a half years ago. I remember how all that mattered was that Christ was leading me; there was so much excitement and wonder.</div><div><br /></div><div>This memory doesn't make packing and moving any easier, but it gives me a little more peace. It makes me smile to remember that me and God embarked on this journey a little while ago and He still leads the way as we step into this new season of life. Being single doesn't automatically make me lonely, sad, or unlovable. When I marry, my name will change, but my identity will still be one who is redeemed by Christ. I will still be His righteousness.</div><div><br /></div><div>So, as I pack and move down the street, I remember that I have strength through God to make it through this transition. And one isn't really the loneliest number because God's right here with me. :-)</div><div><br /></div><div>Isaiah 26:3 "Lord, You will keep him in perfect peace, he whose mind is stayed on God." - JDV (the Jessica Dickson Version)</div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-89968689512256848612010-12-28T17:46:00.011-05:002010-12-31T09:16:13.705-05:00A New Year, a New SeasonOne reason that I love to start the new year out at church is because I love to think about God will do in the upcoming year so we can dream big dreams about what is to come. I don't like to put God in a box, but for years, He has given me a specific verse that would come to define the theme of my year. New Year's Eve 2009, I didn't feel like He was saying anything particular about 2010, though I was absolutely certain it would be better than 2009. I think that God didn't give me a verse because He wanted to surprise me. I think He's one of the best gift-givers I know.<div><br /></div><div>The theme of my 2010 has been redemption. I have heard redemption defined as the buying back of something that has been lost or stolen. I think it's pretty cool when God redeems even the things we don't even realize were gone. Things such as:</div><div><br /></div><div>* ideas about marriage and love - I didn't realize how much my parent's relationship colored my </div><div>thoughts that people could actually love each other. I'm sure my parent's loved each other in some way. I just developed the belief (not realizing it) that arguing meant that someone was going to leave. Having married friends and living with married folk has certainly helped me see that it is possible to have a successful marriage! And, new friends have shown me mercy that I believe has been straight from God to my heart. Amazing. Now, I am more excited, than afraid, for whatever God will do!</div><div><br /></div><div>* the fact that people care for me even if I don't make the right decisions all the time. I didn't think anyone would want to be in my life if I was blatantly imperfect. That led me to believe that whenever I made a mistake, that made me unlovable. No so! I am thankful for my counselor who helped me see through the lies I was believing. I am at a place where I can make a mistake and not think the world will implode. It's a much healthier place to be.</div><div><br /></div><div>* other things that I need some time before I talk about them. They're too fresh, too new, and too personal to share on just a blog. Someday . . . </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><b>Until Then</b></span></div><div>Here are some of my favorite memories from 2010!</div><br /><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsxqJCVqcugABE97WSbU5gX-nDH1nlvc6kVWmXKoE262bmZmQcAiqnZ22z0Ai0p22CBEt1qntookZ8_pyzMfg21NCIKPBPY2UmY8l_Mc3wNxhXKl5uUjiCP0jzHreIemfN7Kb3HObnanA/s200/IMG_4184.jpg" style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 134px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5555931227380402610" /><div>* I got baptized in October. It was one of the most amazing days of my life . . . so far, at least. I got baptized when I was little, but it was long before I knew what it was a to have a very personal relationship with the Lord. The day was filled with people I love and who care about me. I felt like it was a great way to celebrate the fact that God has made me new.</div><div><br /></div><div>The picture is me going down into the water. Yes, I smiled and laughed even then. I was so filled with joy. I couldn't help it! Before I got baptized, I was nervous that I would get dropped and flail around helplessly in the water. I got up there and said, "I'm nervous that..." and before I could even finish, Isaac responded, "We got you." I was immediately set at ease. I felt safe and fabulous. I had a triumphant rise from the water and started to dance the moment I got up. haha. Victory! Cleanliness! Freedom. First breath, again. Newness in Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says that if anyone is in Christ, that person is a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come. I wanted to be baptized because I wanted to say to the world that I'm free.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >(When I told my dad that Dwight Howard got baptized there too, he wrote: "Newsflash in Heaven: Superman and Wonder Woman baptized!" :-D I will always remember that. I know how much he loves sports figures.)</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">* I received my Master of Arts in Counselor Education: School Counseling. That means that I have a degree in Counseling with certification to be a School Counselor. I was blessed enough to celebrate this day with the Rannebargers, my parents, Allison, Megan, and Kim. It was a rainy day, but those are usually the best days to be together because you're forced to be inside and to be together. It was a beautiful day, despite getting soaked; it was also the culmination of what I've been working on for the past two and a half years here in Orlando. That day would have been fraught with anxiety had I not already known what my next step was. I didn't have to worry, though, because . . . </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">* I got a job as a high school counselor. I am very excited to start my career here in Central Florida. I felt like God was calling me to stay in Orlando this summer, though I wasn't very happy about it. Before this year, I wasn't too keen on staying in Florida very long. God softened my heart and opened the doors for me to work at a school down here that has an atmosphere that makes me want to hum. I am so excited to start!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg63SSUNrkSf6Pef5-hYY0RUL-LlBSVmJSpIOZz5G2ttgzIAYgt0BucB5GuXbDGoc5P93iiW5egue5VXa4rwZ9dNYJQ0m0d9uQKt0m_052uP5O4OY0x1ifcP2Y-oFjP-K33auQhwZBhxhU/s200/309J6399-50.jpg" style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 134px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5555922495195036498" />* I did a photo shoot with <a href="http://ktcrabbphotography.com/blog/2010/12/10/jessica-senior-session-i-orlando-portrait-photographer/">KT Crabb</a>! It was such a fun time. I got to dress up and trapse through the grass in my 3 and a half inch Jessica Simpson pumps.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">* My new friends Ryan and Lindsay got married in Baltimore in November. I spent some time with my bestie, <a href="http://goodmorningbaltimore-kelly.blogspot.com/">Kelly Clark</a>(son), where we saw one of the worst plays known to man, watched the Sound of Music, and were just happily together again. Then I went to camp for the wedding weekend extravaganza. It was so much fun spending a weekend with everybody. There's something magical about all being together and getting to know one another that makes the celebrating that much more intense and fun. Also, usually the bridal party are the only ones who get to interact intimately with the bride and groom, but we all got to spend precious moments with them. Another wedding I got to experience this summer was Lisa and Carey's. They are the most adorable couple you'll ever meet; I'm not sure I've actually ever seen two people as in love as they are. I cried through their entire ceremony (though I have to credit myself for this: I DID NOT ugly cry. That would have been a shame). They wrote their vows to each other. It was beautiful!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">* I got to spend time with Kim when she drove back with me from Michigan. She had just gotten back from the <a href="http://kimjerkins.theworldrace.org/">World Race</a> and I got to hear all about her trip. It was fantastic to spend so much time with her and to see how she had grown as a woman who wants to know God in all of the fullness that He has planned out for her. And over the year, that has grown even more. It's</div><div style="text-align: left;"> beautiful!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">* Hearing that Blondie is PREGNANT!! She's my first best friend who is pregnant and I'm really</div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipWDj7vuQASf1ADVkzR_5hyphenhyphenvufATUeqEIbQf-ytMZTUGKJSe98RlZG2C6R3rCTcsehddPPofhK4Nt4Jg_2P43_TCTOmJpTu3ZWbLmn9SCidiJHMy-rjNGrWxLFCDaZLwkIn5sCU7EZ1SA/s200/blondie.jpg" style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 149px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5555930410626338018" /><div style="text-align: left;"> excited to see the little girl!!! She's gonna be a cutie. I'm just glad I can tell people now because the suspense was killing me!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">* I turned 25. I was one of those weird people who was super excited to turn 25. I like getting older, mostly because I like memories. You only get memories when you live! I like saying, "Remember when that was . . ." when driving down the road. Or looking back at my journals and praising God for how far He has brought me. hehe. I digress . . . this year, I got a tattoo for my birthday! Happy birthday to me! It's around my wrist area and is my name in Hebrew. A few years ago, God showed me that my name was my character and it was very significant to me. Having the tattoo helps remind me, when I'm frustrated or things are going wrong, who God has called and created me to be. And no, that's not determined by my circumstances. I wear it proudly.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I am excited in the promise from these memories. 2011 is coming, and its open brings a new season for many of us.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">New marriages.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">New life.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Rebirth.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">New career.</div><br /><div>A path I didn't quite expect.</div><div><br /></div><div>Healing.</div><div><br /></div><div>Redemption.</div><div><br /></div><div>Renovation.</div><div><br /></div><div>What has the theme of your year been? What can you look forward to in 2011? I'd love to hear about it in the comments, an email, or even if you want to link to your blog, that would be great!</div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-67730619296445021082010-09-10T17:27:00.007-04:002010-09-10T19:40:49.425-04:00Autumn, How I Miss Thee!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; "><p class="western" id="jr4v" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0px; text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: Georgia; "><span class="Apple-style-span" id="wj0_"><i>"Walking home from work, I inhaled the crisp Fall air and immediately a familiar smell entered my nostrils - freshly fallen Autumn leaves. The scent left my nose longing for more. I wasn't satisfied. I took another deep breath. I closed my eyes and was instantly comforted. I know it sounds silly, but there's something about that time of the year.</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" id="sx91"><i> Autumn is my favorite season. </i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" id="dndb"><i>I love all the special things it brings. The weather cools to just the right temperature - you can wear flip flops and a sweatshirt for the perfect outfit; it is the perfect weather to walk arm in arm with a loved one and not overheat. There are unique joys: to twirl with my arms open under a tree as cascades of leaves fall around me like a fountain, to walk down the street chasing after crispy leaves that are being blown by a cool breeze just to crunch them under my feet, to take beautiful pictures of the transformation of the earth as it prepares for a cold winter, to enjoy the smells of a summer's past and behold the future. For most of my life, Autumn has signaled the start of the school year - a time of new beginnings and of learning.</i></span></p><p class="western" id="jr4v" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0px; text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: Georgia; "><i><br /></i></p><span class="Apple-style-span" id="kkj0" style="font-family: Georgia; "><i> </i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" id="qo:p" style="font-family: Georgia; "><i>But growing up, school wasn’t always as beautiful as the Fall. I was glad that I was smart, but being smart was not my primary desire. I wanted to be the beautiful girl who was popular, who all the boys liked, who could get all the other girls do to anything at the drop of a hat because they wanted to be like her. My childhood didn’t exactly happen like that, though. I grew up the gullible girl who people took advantage of for laughs. I found myself doing whatever I could to fit in and stay close to the people everyone thought was cool. I rejected people who felt as lonely as I did to avoid the sting of rejection they knew. During middle school I was made fun of almost every day for one thing or another – my weight, my hair, my clothes, the way that I spoke – any imperfection kids could find. I found myself feeling useless, hideous, and worthless. Suicide was an abiding thought that seemed better than whatever I was going through – better than the loneliness and the pain. Like many teenagers, I thought my life meant nothing. And it seemed there was nothing there to prove me wrong.</i></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; "><span class="Apple-style-span" id="qo:p" style="font-family: Georgia; "><i></i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" id="ctj1" style="font-family: Georgia; "><i><br /></i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" id="uls1" style="font-family: Georgia; "><i> </i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" id="y6v." style="font-family: Georgia; "><i>That is, until high school. My freshman year, I ate lunch with a girl everyday because we would otherwise both sit alone. We got to know each other pretty well and after two years of inviting me to church, I finally went with her. It was there that I met someone who changed my life – my youth pastor. He told me that I was beautiful and special and loved. He gave me hope. He affirmed my worth whenever he had the chance. This adult, who knew little about me, took the time to show me th</i><span class="Apple-style-span" id="d2zd"><i>at I</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" id="q_qn"><i> meant something to this world, that my life was significant, and that I was made to do something great."</i></span></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; "><span class="Apple-style-span" id="y6v." style="font-family: Georgia; "><span class="Apple-style-span" id="q_qn"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">These are the opening paragraphs of the essay I used to get into graduate school. It's funny that as I end my stay at UCF, I was reminded of these words I wrote. Mostly because I miss Autumn. It happens to be my favorite season (thank you very much). I'll take it over the brazen heat of Summer and the penetrating chill of Winter. Though I have grown to really enjoy living in Florida, this is one thing I miss dearly. Bonfires and hay rides and corn mazes; hot cider with powdered donuts and pumpkin carving. * sigh * There is certainly something special about that time.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Here I am, in an Autumn three years after I wrote this essay. I'm in my internship at a high school and I have an amazing opportunity to live out the love that I've been freely given. It's been given by family who, as they sought the heart of God, gave me what I needed even when I didn't desire it. It's been given freely by my old therapist, who cared about me even when I didn't believe people would love me if I didn't give them what I thought they needed. It's been given by my friends who have been there for me even when I have felt like I was too crazy to love. Ultimately, it's been given to me by a God whose name is Love. A God who created me and loves me for all of who I am, not just when I'm doing well. It is this love that draws my heart to love others. How can I not love others and give grace that was so freely given?</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I don't get to experience the Fall I wrote about three years ago in its fullness where I am right now, but I am very aware of the truth in <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QemZQKKJbRU">these lyrics</a>: "All of my life, in every season You are still God. I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship!" In a place where it can be hot until December, and I always say the seasons are "hot" and "very hot," I am grateful to have experienced such differing seasons in the past. I know that no matter how long I might feel in the dark, Winter will someday end and hope comes in Spring rains. I know that even when Summer heat stretches until October, I will soon feel a cool wind and be able to chase leaves down the street joyfully. Seasons will change, but God's love is the kind that transforms people and seasons. It's the kind that will continue on forever.</span></div></div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-39413941734060105502010-08-30T15:11:00.004-04:002010-08-30T16:50:19.469-04:00Random Thoughts!!I am alive and in good health. I am deeply loved by the Creator and Savior of the world. I'm not sure what else matters, but here's what's on my mind! Enjoy!<div><br /></div><div>a. Riding home with all my windows down and sunroof open is the best way to end the day.</div><div>b. I love my internship site. My site supervisor tells a lot of stories. I love listening to people and feel honored when someone shares their life with me.</div><div>c. I'm learning students' names. I like that.</div><div>d. I think I took John, Fred, <a href="http://ryanweston.blogspot.com/">Ryan</a>, and Robbie for granted at the House Off Rouse. I miss being able to go over there anytime and chilling. I think it's because I feel really safe with them. Sorry guys. I miss you!</div><div>e. Things haven't gone the way I hoped they would with something recently. I'm not disappointed because my hope is in Christ, not my circumstances. I'm actually even more excited because He'll do more that I can even imagine or dream of!</div><div>f. I am in dire need of Wicked the Musical. I might go for a walk with my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">iPod</span> and belt the entire soundtrack. (Sorry, neighborhood!) This is if it's not too hot.</div><div>g. I also would love to watch High School Musical 3 with <a href="http://goodmorningbaltimore-kelly.blogspot.com/">Kelly</a>. I miss my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">bffl</span>.</div><div>h. I am in dire need of a girls night!</div><div>i. I'd like to purchase a pair of sparkly black pumps. It's kind of a dream right now. I'm working on it.</div><div>j. The music at <a href="http://summitconnect.org/">Summit</a> Waterford and Summit <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Herndon</span> was good yesterday. Yeah, I went to the 11 am at Waterford and the 6 pm at <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Herndon</span>. I was happy!</div><div>k. I think the song "Healing Begins" by Tenth Avenue North sounds like the Newsboys.</div><div>l. Scarface is a REALLY boring movie. To answer your next question . . .Yes, I do like action movies. I would usually choose action over romance. Unless it's The Notebook. . . </div><div>m. If I'm going to stay in the Orlando area when I graduate, I need more friends. My closest seem to be moving away! Also, I like people and don't think one can ever know too many. :-)</div><div>n. The first thing I want to do when I get home from work (internship) is brush my teeth.</div><div>o. My <a href="http://quietrevelations.blogspot.com/">mom</a> is the strongest person I know.</div><div>p. When I think about going international, my heart beats a little faster and my palms sweat. I think I'm in love.</div><div>q. I have no desire to do any of the homework assigned to me this semester. I need an attitude adjustment! I know it'll be helpful. . .* struggling big time *</div><div>r. I don't know why I used letters. I usually just number really erratically. (Think <a href="http://www.foxsearchlight.com/500daysofsummer/">500 Day of Summer</a>!) Guess I'm in a mellow mood!</div><div>s. <a href="http://ann-rannebarger.spaces.live.com/">Ann</a> is so wise and beautiful. I am so lucky and blessed to be living here with the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">fam</span>!</div><div><br /></div><div>Well, those are my no means all my thoughts, but getting inside of someone <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">else's</span> mind is certainly dangerous. (I mean, just ask Hector B. Poole in the Twilight Zone's "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Penny_for_Your_Thoughts">A Penny For Your Thoughts</a>.") So, I'll leave you with those. Have an excellent day!</div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-4549257389222055442010-07-07T14:28:00.004-04:002010-07-07T16:06:18.472-04:00Go Ahead, Read My Blog!Friend: "I read your blog."<div><i>My thoughts: "You did what? WHY? Why would you of all people read my blog? That's random."</i></div><div>My actual response: "Oh?"</div><div>Friend: "You told me about it the other day."</div><div>Me: "Did I?"</div><div><i>My thoughts: "I think I did...I kind of remember doing that...but I didn't think you'd actually read it."</i></div><div>Friend: "Yeah, we were talking about writing..."</div><div>Me: "Yeah, I think I remember."</div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">-----------------------</div><div><br /></div><div>At the end of this conversation, I felt vulnerable. Someone read my blog. I mean, I've known others who have read my blog and commented on it. But, they were either random people or close friends who I knew loved me. This was someone I had met maybe a month before. Someone to whom I told a story that I hadn't told many people before. I hardly knew this new friend, but was getting to; I already felt vulnerable. Will this friend use that information to harm me? While I don't share everything on this blog, I kind of put my heart on the line when I post. </div><div><br /></div><div>I realized that I wasn't excited...I was frightened. I was flustered. I got choked up. I hope I didn't show it! People have blogs for a lot of reasons - to tell stories, to share fiction that they've written, to talk about various topics of interest, the news, etc. The purpose of my blog is to kind of share my heart about where I'm at in life. It's random. It may be funny. It might be sad. But it's how I feel and a little part of my heart goes out to be judged by the world. Will I be a bad writer? Will people hate what I have to say? What if this person knows too much about me? Will they take advantage of me? Do they think they know everything about me because they've read this little piece of my life?</div><div><br /></div><div>I didn't think I'd react that way, but I think it reflects <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">everyone's</span> struggle (even those not fought in a virtual world), though I'll speak for myself: Acceptance. If I do X, Y & Z, will I be accepted? Will people care? What if I say something the wrong way? Will I be shunned? Will one thing change everything? What if I make a mistake? If I forget something important, will they still want me in their lives? Who will care about my mess when they have their own stuff to deal with? Will I be too much for them to handle? Regardless of what your question is, there is likely a part of you that wonders if you will be accepted, hoping that you will be enough.</div><div><br /></div><div>See, the truth is that I am enough. I was enough before my friend decided to read my blog. I was enough when I wondered how this friend reacted to what I wrote about. I am enough when someone has to remind me of an important detail in their life that I can't believe I've forgotten. I am enough when I'm crying because I feel alone or when I'm extra-sensitive about something nobody else seems to understand. When I am weak; when I am strong. When I have the right things to say and when my mind goes blank. When I sing the wrong notes, I am enough. I am enough when I realize my life is not where I thought it would be at my age.</div><div><br /></div><div>There's nothing that can take that away from me. 2009 wasn't my favorite year. It was kind of characterized by grief - loss of life, loss of friendships (and friendships the way they were), etc. But one thing I learned through that very rough point in my life was that I am worthy. I am worthy of love and admiration. I just have to be who God created me, a human being. I used to think I had to do everything and do it perfectly to be desired in any way. I realized that it's not what I do, but who I am that matters. I am a woman created in the very image of God.</div><div><br /></div><div>That is enough. It's more than enough. I am enough.</div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-82254482923822318132010-05-06T17:32:00.006-04:002010-05-06T22:37:54.413-04:00Good Grief!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUEzWWYr-qr4K10fvCKuRoDzYNF8FE1qv1vIxZc047mmmrfLRYjGp_Ob1Z2WHVV_GixCZ5f0e3tLW7RhmGiKuGa5wTt8OpypXEJ13AtlAg1K1As4K8b19JhWMQ80SyiITHBuKbjQ60NeE/s1600/me+and+rho.jpg"></a><br />It's a funny thing, that grief! It hits you at the most random times.<div><br /></div><div>Recently it hit me when I was watching the video at Northland Church's Living Beyond Yourself study. I miss my uncle. I started to cry uncontrollably. Unexpectedly, tears streamed down my face and I felt vulnerable. It didn't matter that I was sitting in one of the back corners at a table when they started. I knew immediately that I wanted to run away. I wanted to get into my car and go for a long drive. I didn't want anybody to see me or to ask me what was wrong, because I wasn't quite sure myself.</div><div><br /></div><div>I did know this: I miss my uncle.</div><div><br /></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUEzWWYr-qr4K10fvCKuRoDzYNF8FE1qv1vIxZc047mmmrfLRYjGp_Ob1Z2WHVV_GixCZ5f0e3tLW7RhmGiKuGa5wTt8OpypXEJ13AtlAg1K1As4K8b19JhWMQ80SyiITHBuKbjQ60NeE/s320/me+and+rho.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5468350897823833378" style="float: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 226px; " /></span><div>You can read about him <a href="http://bit.ly/9rBrKQ">here</a>. He passed away last August. His battle with cancer was difficult to watch. This man who made everyone laugh and feel like they were a part of his family was in pain. He couldn't do the things he used to do. It was hard for him even to pick up his children. My roommate was with us when we celebrated my birthday a little in Sarasota last May. She said she couldn't even tell he was in pain because he was so inviting. He lived his last days as a man with purpose, a man who relied on the strength of God. It was beautiful to have been there to see even a part of it, though it was painful then.</div><div><br /></div><div>And I find myself in pain now. I've always been the emotional one of the family that not a lot of people understood. I cried for an hour in a way that I haven't in a long time. I have tended to think that makes me a weak person. I used to think that people wouldn't care about my tears because I am so emotional. But, they matter. And I can't be ashamed to say that I wish he were here. I wish that I could call him so he could make me laugh. Or he could give me some wisdom that comes only with precious experience. He can't invite strangers into his world just so he could make their day anymore. He can't give generously to the lives of others because of one simple fact: He's not here. He's. Not. Here.</div><div><br /></div><div>That's hard for me to compute. I'll admit that I'm struggling hard right now with that fact. You never know when grief is going to hit you. If you see me and I'm crying or sad, feel free to just give me a hug.</div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-87252012676200409572010-01-01T10:11:00.005-05:002010-01-01T11:07:55.043-05:00Happy New Year! . . . and Proverbs 1Happy New Year!!<div><br /></div><div>Well, it's 2010. It doesn't feel like a new year, but I woke up excited for the goals and what is to come this year.</div><div><br /></div><div>I love the power of <a href="http://www.twitter.com/jessicaddickson">Twitter</a>! I woke up and read Proverbs 1 with <a href="http://31days.crosspoint.tv">Cross Point Church</a>. I heard about it through <a href="http://www.twitter.com/pwilson">@pwilson</a> and, though I don't go there, I've decided to join! I love corporate worship activities. And I'm happy to be able to do it. If you're interested in keeping up with everyone's thoughts on Twitter, go here!</div><div><br /></div><div>But, to my reflection on Proverbs 1! . . . (and I look forward to the different things that God reveals to different people!)</div><div><br /></div><div>Proverbs opens up with a little introduction about what we'll find by reading, that it's for gaining understanding, the fear of the Lord, and wisdom (basically). The next section is encouragement to embrace wisdom, to not be foolish.</div><div><br /></div><div>The next section is what intrigued me. Here, (v. 20-33) wisdom is personified and a warning is made to not reject her. She cries out in the streets, dissatisfied that she has been rejected. In their distress, they will call to her and she will be nowhere to be found.</div><div><br /></div><div>I was interested because isn't that just the way we are! We reject wisdom, we reject what the Lord has to say about our lives, and in our distress, we cry out for that same wisdom that we have rejected. It was made clear to me that, while the folly is problematic, ignoring wisdom in the first place is an issue, that's not the big issue here.</div><div><br /></div><div>One fundamental thing missing is repentance. Seeking wisdom without repentance is futile. Asking for wisdom is a great thing! I support it; it's written here in the Bible for US, to improve our lives. But, we cannot truly accept the wisdom given to us if we have not repented. Our hearts must be in a place that is ready to receive it.</div><div><br /></div><div>Okay, maybe that's not explicitly stated, right? Maybe it's implied, I don't know. But I didn't see it. It is good to seek wisdom, yes! It is not useful to seek wisdom without repentance though. Repentance is usually the step that's left out. We think that we're okay simply because we've taken someone's advice or because we've attempted to apply someone's wisdom. Repentance is a turn from the ways that we are wrong, not simply taking steps to amend what's been wrong or broken.</div><div><br /></div><div>So, hopefully we can all learn a lesson from this story. We must not try to simply gain wisdom; we must turn from our folly. I am looking forward to the rest of Proverbs because I think it will give us some wisdom on how we can do that.</div><div><br /></div><div>Again, HAPPY NEW YEAR! And 2010, oh yeah...BRING IT ON!</div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-35751104968585422822009-12-31T18:18:00.005-05:002009-12-31T19:15:19.526-05:00Thank You For the Lessons, 2009!!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">2009 wasn't really my favorite year. Most people who know me understand why. I won't go into grave detail, but here are some keywords you might see if my life was a blog: death, cancer, chemo, murder, baby, marriage, travel, spiritual conversations, stress, anxiety, counseling... Well, as you can see, not all of those are bad things.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I certainly was not expecting my uncle to pass away from cancer. God told me everything was going to be alright. I actually was almost speechless when I got the text at 5 am that he passed the night before.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I didn't really know how to feel when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. God is a healer, yes, but the ugly thing called cancer is what killed my uncle. A lot of fear steps in when thinking about that. God is VERY patient with me when I need it!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">When I heard that my friend's sister was murdered (Elisabeth - from what I know of her, she was AMAZING and so sweet), I was rocked. I had never met her, no. But what I know of her sister, she's incredible. My life was shaken; how can a person trust after knowing that someone so sweet was taken advantage of and conned? Life is not pretty.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">And adjusting to the fact that so many of my friends got married this year...whew. It's totally an adjustment!! I am happy for all of them, but, wow.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">This year is like a rainbow . . . I hope you're not too lost by that statement! In order to get a rainbow, a storm must pass through. One of the most beautiful things the human eye can see only comes through a rough period. It's a mixture of the remnants of the storm (the rain droplets, the mist) and the sun shining through. There is beauty when we get through the storms in our life; beauty that we can only see when we open our eyes. And boy, is there beauty in the storm that has been my life this year!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">When I first thought about 2009, I hated my thoughts. Well, I hated the year. The first half was okay. The second half was jarring. But then I listened to a podcast that had only people's testimonies. Different people, for a half hour, shared stories of how God has been faithful to them. And that changed my perspective. I realized how much I have to be thankful for!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; color: rgb(255, 255, 64); "><h4 class="itemtitle" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 3px; padding-left: 0px; width: 585px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">* </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Laura and Andy's wedding - watching how God brought them together was really an honor for me to watch and be a part of!</span></span></span></span></b></span></h4><div class="itembody" style="position: relative; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-left: 0px; width: 585px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">* Sara-Marie and Joshua's wedding - it was fantastic being with them. I really bonded with Stephanie Hupp (hey BFFL!)<br />* Liz and Mark's wedding - I'm proud of them for waiting until they could honor God appropriately. Liz is an amazing woman and Mark is a great man. Together they'll be an unstoppable husband and wife.<br />* Juice and Katie's wedding - I got to see a great man get married to a woman who I hear is as wonderful. I also got to hang out with my old youth group friends, which was AWESOME!<br />* Hanging out with my old friend Ben - I LOVED talking to him after Juice's wedding. It was encouraging to see how he has changed over the past 6 years that we haven't necessarily been in contact with one another.<br />* Steve and Ashley's wedding - I got to go to the reception and catch up with people there. Most of the people were older when I was a freshman, so I don't see them very often. It was worth driving two hours to be able to celebrate with them.<br />* Hanging out with Eric after Laura's wedding, on the 4th of July (with Jenny), and after Christmas in Midland<br />* Being up at the cabin for Independence Day - one morning, me and Jenny sat in front of the sun rising over the lake and sang songs to the Lord<br />* Getting closer to the girls in my graduate program and the CAC group generally<br />* Watching my roommate see value in herself and move on from a painful and hurtful relationship.<br />* Kim got to travel around the world. God was there. Though I missed her, I am so proud of how she has let the Lord really take care of her heart and change her perspective. I've seen so much growth!<br />* I have a job that pays for my tuition (all I have to pay is fees). That's great! It's nice to not have to completely stress out over finances in that way...at least right now. <img height="15" src="http://www.xanga.com/Images/smiley1.gif" width="15" /><br />* I bought a car! Totally awesome! Little Stacey Elisabeth. <img height="15" src="http://www.xanga.com/Images/smiley5.gif" width="15" /><br />* I got to serve people in their weddings. I mean, not a lot of people can say that they've been in a wedding. But I was in two just this year. That rocks, completely. There's nothing like being in the wedding party! And the fact that I could fly up to go to so many weddings - I am blessed beyond belief!<br />* I got to be at Craig's graduation. That was pretty excellent. My geek crush, the inventor of Google, AKA "the Google Guy", was the speaker. Um...soul mate! hehe. Not really, but we all know how much I love Google. <img height="15" src="http://www.xanga.com/Images/smiley1.gif" width="15" /> I was in geek heaven!<br />* I joined </span></span><a href="http://www.summitconnect.org/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Summit</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Waterford's multi-site. I am soooo pumped about it!<br />* I got to go to more shows than usual - RENT, the Color Purple, Chris Tomlin, Brandon Heath, Aaron Shust, Chris Sligh, Francesca Battistelli, a fashion show in Winter park, the Chocolate Nutcracker. It's been really exciting to be able to get back into those things.<br />*NiceSERVE with Summit was really amazing. Got to cut down some trees and do some physical labor. Very exciting. I really enjoyed it! <img height="15" src="http://www.xanga.com/Images/smiley3.gif" width="15" /><br />* I got a passport! Now I can go out of the country (legally, too!)!<br />* I got to observe school counselors in a high school. It was great to really jump back into high schools and see and understand the opportunities that kids have these days. Which are a lot...for sure.<br />* I spent some good time at the pool in Longboat Key in Sarasota. It gave me a different way to connect with God - laying on my back, floating in the pool. I pretty much loved my time there...even though taking care of little kids (even cousins) is not always the easiest thing.</span></span></span></div><div class="itembody" style="position: relative; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-left: 0px; width: 585px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">* I have gone to counseling and been able to figure out where some of my views of God come from. With that, I've been able to replace them with Truth and know Him more.</span></span></span></div><div class="itembody" style="position: relative; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-left: 0px; width: 585px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">* And the biggest thing I am thankful for?? The lessons learned. I have learned that I can make it. I will make it. Through heartache and strife. Through grief and pain. When things aren't pretty, God never leaves. And He cares more for me than I have imagined.</span></span></span></div><div class="itembody" style="position: relative; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-left: 0px; width: 585px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div class="itembody" style="position: relative; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-left: 0px; width: 585px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">That lesson carries me into 2010 with hope. There may be more ugliness in the world (and the Bible says more is to come) but I can handle it. I can make it. So, goodbye to 2009 and hello 2010! I say hello, nervous and excited for what may come, but knowing that God will be with me and guide me through it.</span></span></span></div><div class="itembody" style="position: relative; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-left: 0px; width: 585px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div class="itembody" style="position: relative; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-left: 0px; width: 585px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Alright, I'm off to go and ring in the new year at church. HAPPY NEW YEAR!</span></span></span></div></span></div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-46982242208399288782009-12-27T11:05:00.003-05:002009-12-27T11:26:35.454-05:00Testimonies of 20092009 is quickly coming to an end. If your year was anything like mine, it wasn't necessarily cosy or pretty. But even in the muck and the disorder, God has done great things! And that's what I want to hear about. I want to hear about what Christ has done this year. So, if you have any story of God's faithfulness, of how God used hardship to shape you, etc. please post it in the comments. I look forward to hearing from you!<div><br /></div><div>Thanks!</div><div><br /></div><div>Look out for my 2009 in review blog. It'll be posted in the next few days and I look forward to it.</div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-32590046990011422962009-07-12T23:41:00.004-04:002009-07-13T00:12:20.837-04:00Another Wedding Done and a Beautiful Marriage BegunI really enjoy weddings. I suppose that's a good thing because there are a ton this year! God said 2009 would be a year of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">celebrations</span> and that's proving itself to be true. So many weddings and so many pregnancies. It's a great time.<div><br /></div><div>This weekend, my friend Justin got married. When I was in youth group, he was a leader. One of my highlights was when my best friend's brother-in-law Ken said, "Juice?" (what we call Justin). Justin said, "What's up?" And Ken said, "Nothing, I just wanted to say it because I didn't know if it would be awkward to say that after you're married." I cracked up. But, the wedding was so beautiful. It was at Burgh Historical Park in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Southfield</span>. The weather was beautiful. The park was beautiful (there was even a garden) and God brought Justin and Katie together to become one. I met Katie for the first time and she seems like the sweetest person in the world. The love that she clearly has for Justin and for her cute daughter Katie was very evident throughout the night.</div><div><br /></div><div>The reception was great. It was the first time that so many people from my youth group had been together in 3 years. We tried to plan a reunion but those fell through. I loved seeing <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Jonny</span>, being with Walter and Andrew (Ken, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">hehe</span>) and my best friend Leah and her hubby Mark. Holding Heather and Josh's new baby and seeing the Nelson babies, too! I got to catch up with everyone and me and Ben stayed out at Ram's Horn until like 3 in the morning...just like the good <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">ol</span>' days! I blogged a while back about how all of the different weddings have a special appeal. The appeal of this one was the fact that I've known a lot of the people I was with since high school. They're some of my oldest friends and knew me when I was ... strange and hormonal. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">haha</span>. Some would argue that not much has changed, but who's not at least a little bit weird in high school? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">haha</span>. It's amazing to see how everyone has changed and how some things will never change.</div><div><br /></div><div>Oh yeah...It seems to be my new habit to have awesome spiritual <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">conversations</span> after amazing weddings where I break a sweat on the dance floor all night.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Congratulations</span> to Juice and Katie Ellis. May your days together be filled with love and and deeper <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">understanding</span> of marriage God's way!</div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-56606094002518365992009-07-12T22:01:00.004-04:002009-07-12T23:38:58.028-04:00Healer, Heal MeMy mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in May. When I heard the news, I was frustrated. Cancer is an ugly thing that I always feared. It seemed like a juggernaut to me. Something unstoppable. And the fact that my mom lost her leg 10 years ago and might have to lose her breast to this ugly thing...I hated that.<div><br /></div><div>I prayed about it and felt nothing but distance. God felt cold to me. Not like He was hiding Himself, but that He was just...far. I never felt like He didn't love me, but He just didn't seem close at all. I don't know if I didn't believe Him to really be a healer or if I was just angry that my mom was in a position like this.</div><div><br /></div><div>BUT God, today, showed me that He truly is a healer and He cares deeply for me.</div><div><br /></div><div>I woke up this morning and was trying to get the shirt I wanted to wear dry before me and mom headed out to church. I suddenly got the worst pain in my stomach. It hurt to sit, to stand, to breathe, to lay down. I went to the bathroom and that provided no relief. I let some gas go and that did nothing. I laid on my bed in agony and yelled for my mom who was in her room getting ready. I told her what was up and she started rubbing my stomach. She rubbed a part of my stomach that was very tender and I asked her to stop (or maybe yelled at her). She went away (I think to get oil) and then put her hands on my stomach and prayed for me.</div><div><br /></div><div>As she called the sickness out and the pain away, I immediately felt the pain leave my stomach. A few seconds before, I cried because it was so terrible. And the Lord showed me that He is a Healer. God showed me that He cared deeply for my healing. And I have the chance to know God as my Healer. I have the chance to know God as THE Healer. He is the ultimate. Nothing I could do at that moment was helping me. But, calling on the name of the Lord and receiving the healing that Christ came to deliver was amazing.</div><div><br /></div><div>I can speak not simply out of faith, but out of experience: You Are a God Who Heals!</div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-75322160147289759692009-07-11T01:09:00.003-04:002009-07-11T01:56:24.016-04:00"Lord, I Give This To You"Surrender is such an interesting thing. It is one of the most important things that a Christian can do - laying down our lives before Christ. When we do this, we can truly experience the freedom that comes from a relationship with the Lord. We can be open to receiving His blessings and to seeing His promises for us, that we find in the Word, fulfilled. It's great! I am all for it!<br /><br /><br /><br />But, I think sometimes we miss the mark in our so-called "surrender." As I sat in church, God was dealing with my heart about an issue that I did not realize that I even had! And I prayed, "Lord, I give you my sin." That's not a bad prayer, asking the Lord to take our messy stuff. He tells us to when He asks us to cast our cares on Him, because He cares for us. It is something that He wants to do! And that is great! I sure know that I would LOVE it if Jesus could make something beautiful out of my crap, my sin.<br /><br /><br /><br />Sometimes, I think that the "Lord, I give you my _____" prayer is not enough. We can ask God to take something from us...to take it away, to take it out of our lives, and other prayers of this kind, and He will help us however we can. God is a redeemer. But, God is not a magician and God will not force us to stay away from our own sin. Giving it to God, while great, is not enough.<br /><br /><br /><br />A lot of the time, we are so afraid of God knowing the details of our sin. When we mess up, we run and hide from Him like He doesn't already know. Like He wasn't there with us when we did it. But, we run...we feel like God won't love us or forgive us. We feel like we need to get as far away from Him as possible because He's holy and we have just done something bad. But, the Truth is that we cannot escape from His presence. Trying to would only prove futile.<br /><br /><br /><br />Instead, we can ask God to meet us in our sin. Once we realize that we are fallen, we can ask God to come and rest with us. In those moments when we find ourselves lower and deeper than we hoped we could get because of bad decisions, we can either start digging more or we can ask God to come and give us perspective on this point in our lives. God came to provide the broken world salvation and beauty that had been lost with the fall of man. It is important to remember that God sent Christ for us.<br /><br />When we unashamedly ask God to come to where we are first, then He can give us His perspective on whatever we're struggling with. He can also show us, without shame, what He believes of us. This way, when we give Christ our issues like He asks us to, we have His perspective on our sin. But, we also are a little more certain that we can overcome it because we know that He is there no matter what. We have the Lover of our souls there to empower us. We have the Holy Spirit to guide us. When we lay our burdens and our sin on the Lord, we will be much more prepared to actually deal with it. Our sin is not like a trash can that's full - you cannot just take it out when it gets stinky and that takes care of the issue. It takes constant work. And we don't have to do it alone. We can do it with God instead of apart from Him.Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-3829311637794684812009-06-30T13:51:00.002-04:002009-06-30T15:38:44.570-04:00In This Recession, Who Can Afford to Be In Bad Shape?!I felt my heart pump really hard the other day when I was doing nothing. It's really disturbing when that happens. I am completely comfortable with my body...until it does weird stuff like that. And then I realize that if I stay overweight, I have more of a chance of having so many health issues, it's not even funny. And in this recession, who can afford to pay for issues that could have been prevented by eating better and exercising?<br /><br />I eat pretty well, so that is something I'm not going to focus on. So I've been quietly looking into 5Ks, when I proposed the idea to my friend Carolyn. I was being hush hush because I was a coward and didn't want any added pressure from my friends (in case I flaked out). Well...when I mentioned it to her she excitedly said, "I've been trying to do that, too! Why don't we keep each other accountable!?" And I said, "Sure!" So we're starting today...training to run a 5K. I'm actually excited about it. My heart will get pumping for the right reasons!<br /><br />It's great to know that I can take charge of my health. I can do something about this before it's out of control. I am very excited about it.Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-51776943056801785982009-06-28T22:18:00.001-04:002009-06-28T22:21:23.515-04:00Always a Bridesmaid . . . Someday a Bride<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;font-size:100%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 1px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 1px;"><div>In the past month, I've been in two weddings: Sara-Marie Kuntz and Laura Marie Barkley. I didn't know that being in a wedding could be so much fun, for either of these celebrations. I knew that we would be celebrating God's providence in bringing these women, who were like sisters to me, with men who loved them so deeply. And I knew they would be fun . . . but I laughed harder and longer than I could have planned.</div><div><br /></div><div>Sara-Marie's wedding party was very goofy. We all were sarcastic and had funny things to say. Basically we were silly and found jokes to make about every single thing that happened. We laughed at each other and ourselves. We tried to find a way to convince SaMa to let us go and buy white flip flops instead of the dresses because of the wet ground we'd have to go through in heels (which in the end, was hilarious and focusing on not slipping into the grass helped me not cry). We found joy in everything. Some of my favorite memories were:</div><div><ul><li>When I sung one line from High School Musical and Jenn got really excited about it before she realized her zeal</li><li>Shane dumbbell curled his jelly beans</li><li>How amazingly laid back and happy it was</li><li>Me and Stephanie “stealing” mom and dad's truck to fill the balloons with helium (the ULTIMATE partner in crime)</li><li>Judy swinging the cake cutting knife in Sara-Marie's face (also, when she had a personal story to tell about almost EVERYTHING that was brought up)</li><li>Putting pots of jelly beans on the tables and dropping them (sorry, Sara-Marie and Joshua!)</li><li>Standing in the kitchen giggling about boys that were less than 5 feet away</li><li>Me stripping down to nakedness in front of the girls that morning when it was time to get ready...and dropping my pants to put lotion on my legs (I'm almost sure there's a blackmail picture of that).</li></ul></div><div><br /></div><div>That's only a few memories...but it was a very amazing time.</div><div><br /></div><div>Laura's wedding party was a whole different kind of goofy. I walked down the aisle with Ryan, who came in on Friday with a mustache and is possibly one of the most ridiculous (in a great way) people in the world. He nearly pulled me down the aisle during the recessional. Hilarious! Travis was a schmoozer who charmed every single woman there. I believe every grandmother wanted to take him home. And the truth is: he has that something special, something you don't find every day. He has charm and makes every woman feel like a queen. I hope that he understands how amazing he is!</div><div><br /></div><div>The Barkley family has been my 2nd family for the past six years – I've been invited into every area of their lives and I hope their hearts, for they have a spot in mine. I loved spending time with them and the post-wedding brunch was one of the most amazing ways to wrap out the wedding festivities. I loved just hanging with the family and relaxing.</div><div><br /></div><div>When the sing-along started at the rehearsal, I knew that I was going to have an amazing time. :-) We bonded over the fun church wedding coordinator. I won't say what we called her, but will just say that she was “in charge” and did what she could to remind us of that fact. Haha. I'm just glad that she didn't yell at me when I laughed hysterically at the end of the ceremony when Laura and Andrew Ward walked down the aisle as one. hehe</div><div><br /></div><div>After the big party, the groomsmen, me, some of Andy's friends, and Laura's cousins went to the bar. We stayed out and just chilled. It was nice to catch up and discuss what we loved about the wedding.</div><div><br /></div><div>Every wedding party bonds over different things and makes memories to last a lifetime, and I love being able to support my friends, my sisters, and my brothers. After paying a lot of money to rent tuxes, buy dresses, get shoes, and travel – none of that matters when you actually get there and you are with the people that you love and the people that love them.</div><div><br /></div><div>One day, I will request that my friends support me in this special way. I know that they will do it exceptionally. They will have strange stories about my idiosyncrasies and craziness (they already have a good number, so that shouldn't be too difficult). Until then, I love celebrating with the people who have my heart. Congratulations to Sara-Marie and Joshua. Congratulations to Laura and Andrew. I love you all so much. :-D</div><div><br /></div></span></span>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-11834934978484893012009-06-06T16:00:00.002-04:002009-06-06T16:33:49.718-04:00Time!Time is a very interesting thing to think about. Like Old Man River, it just keeps rolling along. I can't believe I have almost been in Orlando for a year. In some ways, it feels like I have been here forever and in others, it feels like I just got here. I can hardly believe it. In one month and one week, I will have been here 12 months. I'll have to do something special to celebrate. It's crazy to think that the memories of the last year that I spent in Ann Arbor are almost 2 years ago. I remember New Life's fall retreat like it was nothing. I bawled like a baby during the sermons and when Jon Shah announced that he would be leaving to go to OSU. God changed my heart in many ways and prepared me for where I'm at now. I am sincerely amazed by it.<div><br /></div><div>So much has changed. I have moved. Kim's traveling around the world. Laura's engaged. Sara-Marie is married now. Good times. Only time will tell what will come in the rest of 2009. :-)</div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931173509650062224.post-25782552153524642152009-06-05T22:58:00.005-04:002009-06-05T23:12:25.209-04:00Sara-Marie and Joshua's WeddingI read a prophecy somewhere that said 2009 would be a year of celebrations. And, wow, knowing at least 16 couples who will be married by the end of the year, I can see how that is very true. I am very fortunate to be able to attend so many, even though many of them are in Michigan. Weddings are so special.<div><br /></div><div>Last weekend, I flew up to Michigan to celebrate the marriage of Sara-Marie and Joshua, two people who I dearly love. They are both people who I can honestly say, my heart feels completely safe in their hands. I was honored to be chosen by Sara-Marie to be a bridesmaid. When she and Josh picked me up from the airport, I hugged Sara-Marie and just cried. I was so happy to see her, so happy to be a part of the union that it was obvious that God ordained.</div><div><br /></div><div>Us girls (me, Sa-Ma, and Stephanie) had a fun time getting our nails done (and Stephanie's eyebrows waxed ;-). I can't think of the last time I laughed so much or so hard. And watching Sara-Marie was inspiring. In the midst of things needing to get done, she was one of the most adaptable people that I have ever seen. When something wasn't working out, she humbly made a decision. Instead of freaking out, if it wasn't imperative to have, it was out. I loved watching her. Though there was the rush of getting things done, there wasn't a lot of the stress that I've seen. It was mostly excitement. They were both excited to unite with one another, to share a deeper bond of physicality, and to serve the Lord better together than they did alone.</div><div><br /></div><div>I had so much fun in Ann Arbor. I got to see friends from the church I attended for five years during undergrad. I felt like ME again. I am grateful to the Lord for the opportunity to celebrate an amazing thing. :-)</div>Jessica Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02434101035485520466noreply@blogger.com0