Sunday, April 12, 2009

The New Me!

I don't want this blog title to imply that I've changed a ton.  I still have a huge laugh. My dimples are still deep. I still don't tolerate foolishness.  I am still a person who you probably don't mad at you because when I get mad it's just never pretty.

But, I live in Florida.  When you move 1,000 miles from home, that means a lot more than location.  There is a different weather.  There is a different culture.  A different job and school.  No friends in this new place.  Basically everything changes.

There's no way that I could stay the same.  And that is not a bad thing.  I got super homesick first semester, yearning to see my family and my friends. I was sad half of the time and spent a good amount of that mourning the life that I lost when I came to Florida.  Even though I knew I was in the right place, I struggled. Even though I wanted to meet people, I didn't want new friends. I hated everything that was different about UCF.  I was a mess.

After I went home to Michigan for about three weeks, I came back refreshed.  I was ready to jump back into school, the job, the people.  I found a Bible study to join and was gung ho about getting to know them.  

That trip to Michigan, while great, reminded me that I did not belong there anymore.  I appreciated everyone's excitement to give me a place to stay and all of that, but nothing there was mine.  As time went by, I got so excited to come back to Florida just so I could sleep in my own bed again.

This year, my perspective changed.  I think that experience helped me realize that I am not who I was in Michigan. My first 6 months here, that was what I wanted.  But I was reaching for something that is simply not to be.

It reminds me of the parable in Luke 5:36-39 where it mentions how you cannot put new wine into old wineskins.  The new wine ends up busting the old wineskin and leaking out everywhere.

And I think that's where my problem was.  I was trying to view this new experience in Florida in the context of how things were in Michigan.  It just doesn't work.  Like the old wineskin, I become drained and ragged.  And that's not a good way to live.  So, I guess we all have to see the newness for what it is - a good thing, a change.  It's a beautiful thing.  I find myself really looking forward to the new thing that God is doing during my time here. I don't know what to expect and that's exhilarating.

1 comment:

Sara-Marie said...

This is all so true. I found it out multiple times- moving to KY, moving to Lansing, moving to A2.

Imagine who we'd be if we were the same as we were 1,3,20 years ago. What a waste of potential.

Lovely chatting with you the other day. My heart pines for you!